Dumb and Dumber
by SeventhStar7
Summary: Natsu has had enough of people calling him a naive idiot. After recalling moments when he was trying to be genuine, it was all in vain. Its time to prove them wrong. In order to do so, he's going to tell Lucy what he really thinks of her. To show them that he can be as manly as a man could get. The manliest of manliest. THE ALL TIME MANLY MAN. ONESHOT. Some curses.


**Author: SeventhStar7**

 **Disclaimer: All rights goes to their respective owner - Hiro Mashima. I don't own Fairy Tail.**

 **Comments:** HOLY CRAP GUYS! YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT. (Because I'm a uni student) I took my statistics exam today and guess what - WAS ON THE FUCKING PAPER. LIKE. THEY DID THE PAIRINGS AND SHIT FOR HARRY POTTER! LIKE, DRARRY, DRAMOINE, HINNY AND ONE MORE. I CAN'T REMEMBER. BUT HOLY SHIT, I WAS SHOOOOOOOKKKKKEDDDDD. LIKE, I TURNED THE EFFING PAPER TO GET STARTED ON THE NEXT QUESTION AND THEN BOOM. It was right in my face. It was all up in my goddamn face. It talked about pairings, and the ratings for the pair and the humor category. And although the exam was about 8 hours ago, i still couldn't believe it. Like, I know stats is stats but to obtain statistical info to make it into an exam question from **FANFICTION**? HOLY MOTHER OF NATIONS. I'm done.

 ** _Enjoy_** _…_

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Natsu glared at the fourth time that hour before letting out a tired sigh. Happy had gone on a mission with Wendy and Charle. Erza had matters to deal with a strawberry cake bakery. Gray was on a trip to Lamia Scale to discuss personal matters with Lyon. And Lucy? She was sitting by his side totally engrossed in this pathetic object called a book.

"Ugh..." Natsu drawled out. Everyone seemed to be in their own little worlds. Suddenly, he began thinking of the things that have been getting to him for the past few months. Like him being a naive idiot. Really? Him? A naive idiot? Pfft. Yeah right.

Unconsciously, he leaned back on bench and looked at his blonde-weirdo of a best friend. Lucy Heartfilia. The object of his subject. If anything, he believes she is the naive idiot.

Seriously. He made his intentions as clear as Erza's acne that he liked her. Well, more than liked. Loved. Yeah. He loved the blonde celestial mage of Fairy Tail. And he had to admit, it was one of the most scariest discoveries that he had come to know of. But firstly, to the main focal point of why he thinks Lucy is the naive idiot.

Come on. He gropes her on a daily basis. Whether it may be on missions or just sneaking into her room through the window to cop a feel (No. He is not a pervert. He's just copping for assurance. Yeah.). And the most surprising thing, its either she completely ignores it because he's an 'idiot' or kicks him because, well, he's an idiot. But that's not the point. Surely she would've caught on to his mischief. She was an upcoming author, so surely this would have ring a bell or something.

Anyways, on to his next point. Clothes.

What sane person would actually believe that majority of their clothes were burned off in the right places on accident? Oh wait. He forgot. Lucy wasn't sane. In all the missions that they did, he sometimes flared up his magic to ignite Lucy's clothes. Just to take a mighty peek at the blonde's body. Of course, she'll cover up with her slender arms and whine about her clothes and how much of an idiot he was and how her clothes were costly. But had she decided to maybe cover up? Absolutely fucking not. In fact, it almost made things worse! Nowadays, Natsu truthfully would admit that her clothes were beginning to look... whats the word... scandalous? Exposing? Daring? Oh wait. _Sexy_. Oh well, at least he still gets his fill of eye candy. But, since he is such an ever-so-kind gentleman, he once asked Lucy why she began to wear such 'forbidden' clothing. She said something along the lines of no point buying in anything anymore since it miraculously always catches on fire - which is why less is better since no fire can reach there.

Natsu smirked evilly. He'll have to prove Lucy wrong on that poin- No. Bad Natsu. Bad!

Next point.

"Natsu, I'm just going to grab a drink. I'll be back." The blonde beside him said while standing up. He waved her off and return to his thoughts.

Protecting her. With this one, he wanted to ice his head. How can she not see his awesome magic force overpowering many enemies when it came to her? How is it that she just stands there unfazed? At one point, he had purposefully wanted to grab her face with one hand and kiss the love of his life. So he did. But it didn't end as flowery as he imagined. Instead, she thought he was going for a high five.  
A HIGH FIVE!  
Gray also knew of his intentions and the stupid ice-block saw the whole thing and had bursted out laughing. All he could do was smile weakly and watch the celestial mage cock her head to the side with confusion written all over her face.

In other words, he had been unintentionally, most definitely accidentally, cock-blocked.

But that's beside the point. It's like she doesn't see how strong he was! Like that time during the Grand Magic Games, after he thrashed the Twin Dragon Slayers of Sabertooth, he had come straight to her! And he did ask her!

"Aren't you going to ask me how it went?" And what did she do? She smiled at him and said,

"I already told you. I've always believed in you ever since I joined the guild." AND BECAUSE EVERYONE WAS THERE, he had to offer a half smile and shrug off the feeling by saying something cool. Of course. He was a little disappointed.

He expected more of either: "Natsu! I could hear the rumblings from your fight? How did it go? I'm so sorry that I couldn't watch you!"

OR "I knew you are the strongest, Natsu. You're the best!" But of course, come on. Who was he kidding? This was Lucy. At least compliment of how awesome he was by taking the prideful twin dragons of Sabertooth. And must he mention, BY HIMSELF? Like... SOLO? Like... alone?

Oh. Lucy had arrived back with two mugs. She slid in front of him and pushed on mug towards him, of course, with a smile.

"You look like you've ran a marathon in your head, here. Its fire whiskey. Thought you'd want one." And the blonde mage went back to drinking some kind of sweet warm substance whilst reading her book.

Anyways, back to his argument.

It just seems as if she doesn't see anything at all! Or she probably doesn't want to see it in the first place! Or maybe she was never interested in him to begin with. That could be a possibility. Since whenever the opportunity to expose affection towards each other, she turns bright red and stammers excuses and shit.

So if anything. She is the naive idiot. Not him.

He had to spell it out for her since she couldn't take a hint. Taking the mug of fire whiskey and downing the contents in one gulp, he pushed the empty mug away. It was time to get things over with and straighten the tables.

"Yo Luce, put your book down for a sec. I wanna talk with you." The blonde mage looked at him questioningly before doing as he said. Once she had placed the book down, he cleared his throat. This was it.

"You see, Luce, I've been meaning to tell you..." The guild had gone completely silent. Was it just him or has everyone's ears gotten bigger? Anyways...

"I've been meaning to tell you this for the longest time. And I've been feeling like this ever since Lord Phantom had taken you away from me. And today, I've decided to say it. Right now." Whoa. Everyone seems to have inched closer to the two. And was Mira holding a recording lacrima? OH GOD. WAS HIS MIND FUCKING WITH HIS FIVE SENSES? Because all of a sudden, he could hear Mira's frantic breathing because she had moved right beside him with bright eager eyes. And he could hear Lucy's heartbeat pounding so hard, it sounded as if it was going to pound right out of her chest. In fact, his heart was throbbing like crazy!

"N-Natsu?" A voice spoke. Ah yes. He was going to tell Lucy that he loved her. He slowly leaned towards her,

"Luce..."

"Yes...?"

"I just..."

This is it. He's going to come out and say it. He's grown a pair so its time to get serious.

"Y-yes...?"

"...wanna..." It feels as if time was slowing down. The entire guild was looking at him and Lucy. Eager faces. Eyes wide. Mouth open.

"...say..."

HE'S IS GOING TO MAN THE FUCK UP AND SAY IT. RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW. HERE GOES NOTHING-!

"...Why are you such a weirdo?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

Ah shit.

The doors of the guild opened and a certain red-haired woman stepped in,

"I'm have returned."

Natsu's heart dropped.

It was at that moment, that he knew. He fucked up.

"What a naive idiot..."

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AAAnnndd thats a wrap. I'm still writing up my other story (Seeking Undercover) so keep an eye out. But all in all, have a good one!

Oh, and please leave a review. So that I can use it to improve any writing problems in my stories.

THANKS!


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